Grandma Was Right

(About sex and other things)

“Don’t have sex before marriage,” was Grandma’s advice over the birds and the bees. In a society that no longer relied on horses to commute, that among the many “outdated” items or pieces of advice were considered expired. However, the study of physiology has made me reflect back on what was considered wise for thousands of years before. I’m not going to go to focus on why modern societies do what they do; but rather on why Grandma was right.

In nature, flora and fauna alike have chemical reactions associated with the preservation of their species. You could even say that the reproduction and/or survival are the reason for ALL physiological responses to their environment. Hormones released during sex are more than just a “feel good”. They model “love” and “infatuation” in the brain and are linked to the visual and physical person associated with the release of those sex hormones. In species where the offspring are helpless for long periods of time, both the male and female are chemically induced so that they will be connected to each other for the task of raising/preserving the offspring. The human child is helpless much longer than most species and requires a greater demand on its parents. As such, the hormones released during sex are to connect/commit both parents to the potential long term development of the young.

This may seem general but on a personal level I noticed this. During a stressful time of my life I started having a sexual relationship with someone I wasn’t interested on the premise that it was “healthy” and would help relieve some of the pressure I was feeling. However, immediately afterwards I started having more “affectionate” thoughts and feelings for the man - which lead to more sex - which lead to my believing that I was in love with him. Remember, this was someone that beforehand I considered not suitable for me on many levels and I had no feelings for him whatsoever. Basically, I had drugged myself through sex hormones into believing I was in love; and because of that, I was willing to ignore the multiple problems in our relationship. Unfortunately, I’m not alone on this either. After conducting a poll which questioned if others had the experience of feeling “love” and “infatuation” after sex, 100% of the individuals said, “yes.” Now I believe there are exceptions to this and other contributing factors, but it is safe to say that physiology and sex hormones are a contributor to the “love” feeling.

This hormone drugged feeling is not exclusive to couples either. Imagine that someone is having sex with themselves while watching pornography or looking at pictures. They are still having the chemical response to connect them for the preservation of potential offspring, yet there is no other person or offspring. Basically, they are drugging themselves into “loving” pornography. An obvious problem to this physiological response is that the other person is not actually there; therefore, there is no complimentary response to the relationship. Often this has lead to frustration and/or dissatisfaction. However, the individual is now chemically drugged and will not want to stop, so an alternative is needed. One alternative is an increase in their visual stimulation through another strong chemical reaction in the body that is associated with preservation; namely, pain. It is no small wonder that pornography has branched into what is painful, harmful, or unnatural; and those who masturbate to that imagery are chemically drugging themselves into “loving” those things as well. This generates a sadistic attitude towards partners and/or people in general.

Part of what makes us who we are is our genetics – another part of what makes us who we are is our actions. It is possible that someone could have no genetical disposition to sadism and yet become one. With violence and cruelty on the rise, any contributing factors can be too much. During a “gang” member interview in a nice suburban neighborhood, I was told about the pressure a teen gets to join one affiliation or another. However, in order to join most gangs, a boy had to either kill or rape someone. He concluded that most of them chose rape. It goes without saying how damaging this drugged “love” will be for them and their environments.

At this point I reflect on why there are so many single parents in the world today when the body has such a strong physiological response to sex. The answer is simply another hormone driven reaction associated with preservation. The self preservation chemicals are more intense, have a faster response, and are more utilized. Statistically nearly half of the low income and homeless people in the United States are single parents. The financial demand on individuals and families has increased dramatically in the past fifty years. It once was possible for one employed individual to support a family. As the national production demand on their human resource increased, so did the number of jobs within the general household. In response to capitalistic inflation, a household provider may need to get a second job or the spouse may start working and sometimes the children too. For example, in Seattle it takes four minimum wage earners to cover the rent on a two bedroom apartment. Home of the Java capital, individuals have turned to stimulants in order to do more. Recently, 5-hour, which is a liquid stimulant for focus, had a commercial on TV in the which a woman states how she needed her 5-hour shot every day in order to get through her second job. The body responds in various manners to increased stress, one of which is a “flight” mechanism for self preservation. It is no wonder really that under such financial and physical stresses that one of the adults would take “flight” from the domestic home in search of something better for themselves; even if it’s not better for those left behind.

With such powerful physiological responses to sex and preservation, how can we stop the unintentional destructive force that society has created and suffers under? Maybe we could listen to Grandma and wait to have sex. If indeed having 10 billion nerve cells in our brains has given us superior intellect as a species, then perhaps we should use that in decisions on who we are with and when; build relationships versus sex drugged "love". Also, some of the other "old" traditions could be dusted off and looked at again for their merit, for example, balance in the home and workplace. However, since capitalism only escalates productivity, it would take a unified stand against productivity's consumption of human and natural resources in order to find a new balance between demand and labor. Activism is the key on three levels. Individually, how we live matters. Community, how we care for each other matters. Nationally, how we govern matters. If all else fails, listen to Grandma - she was right.